Notes on Communication

This is a collection of notes on communication from various sources. First a big picture overview:

communication big picture

Attention

The base of communication is the ability to pay attention. This includes the ability to monitor your own motivations and emotions, as well as the ability to focus on the other person1 2, mainly used for active listening.

However attention spans have been getting shorter3 to around 47 seconds over the past two decades4. (Having said that, shorter attention spans might not be linked to a lowering in conversation quality.) In order to improve attention, mindfulness meditation shows promise5. Simply staying curious about the other person might also help6.

Active Listening

Active Listening, sometimes referred as Effective Listening6, is the act of fully processing verbal and non-verbal cues from the other person to understand not only what is being said, but also the emotions and motives behind it1. It includes giving the speaker your full attention, processing their message and signaling that you understand it1.

Using the information the listener gathers during active listening, they drive the conversation to the topic the speaker wants to go to and helps them to articulate what they want to communicate effectively.

Body Language

Body language plays a crutial role for both parties in a conversation. It is used to signal goodwill and receive non-verbal messages.

Open body language, eye contact and smiling signal the other person your interest and create the basis for a positive conversation2. On the other hand, being aware of and understanding the other person’s body language can give the listener clues about the partner’s emotions6. This makes it possible to mirror their body language leading to a stronger bond2 7.

Common Ground / Goodwill / Bonding

The basis for a good conversation should be the shared understanding that you are willing to empathetically interact with the other person and show interest in what they have to say8 6 1. At its core it is based on the belief that the other person is worthy of ones attention8 and resembles the concept of aiming for a win-win in negotiation practices9.

Emotional Awareness

Emotional awareness is the skill to monitor and regulate ones emotions during a conversation. This is especially important when a topic triggers an emotional response1. In situations like this instead of attacking the partner, being able to convey the problem in a clear and neutral manner e.g. by using I-messaging leads to better communication1.

Clear Messaging & Checking for Understanding

Finally the last part - formulating your message and sending it to your partner - consists of two processes: Clearly sending your message and then checking for understanding 1. Without both parts of the process the sender can not know whether the receiver has actually understood the message.

Sources

Footnotes

  1. Williams, J. W. (. i. s. (2020). Communication Skills Training: How to Talk to Anyone, Connect Effortlessly, Develop Charisma, and Become a People Person. アメリカ合衆国: Amazon Digital Services LLC - KDP Print US. Shortform summary. ↩ ↩2 ↩3 ↩4 ↩5 ↩6 ↩7

  2. Lowndes, L. (2013). How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships. イギリス: HarperCollins Publishers. Shortform summary. ↩ ↩2 ↩3

  3. HARI, Johann. Stolen focus: Why you can’t pay attention—and how to think deeply again. Crown, 2023. Shortform summary. ↩

  4. MARK, Gloria. Attention span: A groundbreaking way to restore balance, happiness and productivity. Harlequin, 2023. ↩

  5. NORRIS, Catherine J., et al. Brief mindfulness meditation improves attention in novices: Evidence from ERPs and moderation by neuroticism. Frontiers in human neuroscience, 2018, 12: 277779. ↩

  6. Murphy, K. (2020). You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters. イギリス: Random House. Shortform summary. ↩ ↩2 ↩3 ↩4

  7. TSCHACHER, Wolfgang; REES, Georg M.; RAMSEYER, Fabian. Nonverbal synchrony and affect in dyadic interactions. Frontiers in psychology, 2014, 5: 117886. ↩

  8. C. Leal III, B. (2017). 4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication in Love, Life, Work—Anywhere. (n.p.): CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform. Shortform summary. ↩ ↩2

  9. COHEN, Herb. You can negotiate anything: The world’s best negotiator tells you how to get what you want. Bantam, 1982. ↩